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STOLEN - TRAILER LOLS

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Ok, so the new-ish Nicolas Cage film is coming out... ...and it's called STOLEN . Remember how TAKEN was essentially a fun B movie? Well this looks like the C movie version of that. After all: Stolen, Taken, same f****in' thing, right? But is it a "Cagey" enough outing to warrant a viewing? Bear lol Big mouth lol Elevator fight lol Fire car lol Well, it looks like we're in safe Cage territory here. Just sayin', could be fun. Ass, no doubt, but fun.

X-MEN 2: THE NOT GOOD EDITION

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Just noticed this. My copy of X-Men 2 is just ridiculously proud of something it really shouldn't be THAT happy about: ONE disc?! No... Could it be true? I didn't know it came in ONE disc form! This is radical! Seriously though, you're proud of selling a single DVD with no bonus extras and stuff? That's like saying: "The X-Men 2 DVD, now with a film inside!" Jeez... (review of the movie itself coming soon, NOT the one-word edition)

24: THE DVD BOARD GAME - REVIEW

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So I'm walking around a store when I find... 24: THE DVD BOARD GAME I lol, dig in my pocket for two, yes TWO, coins (like it's the 1500's) and buy that shit heartily. Oh it looked beautiful. Being a DVD board game I had my doubts, of course, but Jack Bauer was there, his face right on the cover, comforting me and I knew everything was gonna be aaaaalright... After playing the game, really I found there was only one thing wrong with it: IT DOESN'T WORK!!! Yeah. *This DVD board game takes place between the hours of my balls and my ass* Now I don't mean that the game is broken and I couldn't play it. No. The game is broken in that it is actually unplayable . Which is a shame because it all starts rather well! You've got your cool CTU-approved board, a briefing by Jack Bauer himself (*squeeee*) with 3 promising missions to choose from and our favourite countdown from the show! *tick dumm* 0:01:00 *tick dumm* 0:00:59 Then you start pl

GUEST REVIEW WEEK

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Yes it's Guest Review Week on The RetroCritic blog. We'll be posting reviews throughout the week written or filmed by guest critics, if you are interested in taking part please contact me HERE . It can be a film, game, TV show (or specific season), play, musical or album review. Written (500 words max) or video (Youtube link if possible). I'd suggest picking something I haven't already reviewed but by all means choose whatever you like. Not really anymore rules to speak of, if you have a blog, website or video channel you'd like to promote please include a link to your site and I'll make sure I include it in the blog post. Thanks guys! Happy reviewin' ;)

HIGHLANDER II: THE OVERPRICING

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£15?!  Sure HMV.  YOU give me £15 and I'll consider buying the f***ing Quickening. Again...

AMAZON SUGGESTS...

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How insulting. You don't think I have that?! I AM Conan The Destroyer [DVD] [1984]!!!

KNIGHT AND NIGHT (AND DAY) - POSTER TALK

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Ok, so I'm actually watching Knight And Day while posting this and I still have no idea what DAY is in that god forsaken ass title. Why?! I mean, I know Cruise's character's parents are called Knight but he's actually called Roy Miller and Diaz's character is called June Havens so... Well, I guess her sister's called April which is another month which contains days... Nope.  That can't be it. They fucked up: they fucked up bad. You can't just sacrifice sense for THE cheesiest pun out there! See! Oh dear, looks like I'll have to check out what my country of origin, La France, has to say about that translation-wise... No no no no NO!!! Bordel de merde!!! KNIGHT makes sense!!! Then again, Night And Day makes sense but... that's the pun! You've unpunned the pun! Now it both makes sense and is completely altogether meaningless. Night And Day... that could be about anything! Come on Italy, you can do this, you can fix it! Rea